Sample Quotes for August, 1998

Taken from The 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said and sequels,
by Robert Byrne

"Start every day with a smile and get it over with."

W.C. Fields

"It's relaxing to go out with my ex-wife because she already knows I'm an idiot."

Warren Thomas

"My grandmother is 70 and still doesn't need glasses. She drinks right out of the bottle."

Henny Youngman

"I don't pray because I don't want God to know where I am."

Marsha Doble

"Pregnancy is amazing! To think that you can create a human being just with things you have around the house!"

Amy Foster

"My mother was an authority on pigsties. She would look at my room and say 'This is the worst pigsty I've ever seen.'"

Bill Cosby

"I've never been in Who's Who, but I'm featured in What's That!?"

Phyllis Diller

"When I left high school they retired my jersey -- but it was for sanitary reasons."

George Carlin

"I spilled Spot remover on my dog and now he's gone."

Steven Wright

"Happiness is having a large loving family in another city."

George Burns