"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances of a date on Saturday night."
Woody Allen
"What do hookers do on their night off, type?"
Elayne Boosler
"The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 a.m."
Charles Pierce
"What do you give a man who has everthing? Penicillin."
Jerry Lester
"It's easy to make a friend. What's hard is to make a stranger."
Unknown
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."
Jackie Mason
"It wasn't exactly a divorce--I was traded."
Tim Conway
"My mother didn't breast feed me. She said she wanted me as a friend."
Rodney Dangerfield
"Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected."
Robert Orben
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